…especially when you’re going to a wedding where your four year old is the flower girl and your husband is video-taping…and you’ve got a toddler and a baby to deal with as well.
Lesson learned, my friends. Lesson learned the hard way.
I question whether I have been more hot, exhausted, frustrated, embarrassed (scratch that—mortified is a better word), and ready to sell my children to the first person who asked.
Okay, you know I’m kidding about the whole “selling my children” thing…please don’t send me hate comments.
McKenna had the honor of being asked to be the flower girl in a young lady’s wedding whom I have known since she was young. It was a gorgeous, picture perfect wedding, too. The kind where you cry when the bride dances with her daddy. It was very elegant.
However, the Parris family tend to detract from anything elegant these days, I suppose.
Kenni seemed fine when we were getting prepped and ready to send her down the aisle. But the closer it got to time to make her flower girl appearance, things started going south. Rapidly.
Remember…I haven’t found a babysitter for the two little ones, so they’re with me too. Stephen’s videotaping the ceremony, so he’s no help to me.
Kenni starts whining. Loudly. Jack starts grunting for food. Well, wouldn’t you know I left the diaper bag at the building on the top of the hill…the building that we WEREN’T in at the moment?
And Caia…I don’t even know where to start. She starts running around the building…just takes off! So, I’ve got her on the loose, Jack on my hip sucking his thumb so ferociously that it would appear as though he thinks it will provide him with some source of nourishment, and Flower Girl having some sort of freakish meltdown and crying (LOUDLY) right as the parents of the bride and groom are being seated.
I finally catch Caia. Stephen takes her with him, just as it’s Kenni’s turn to head down the aisle.
Only Kenni starts protesting loudly about how she doesn’t want to go. She gets to the top of the aisle to walk down, and bless that wedding coordinator’s heart, she was trying to coax her down there, but Kenni was having none of it.
So, Stephen grabs Jack and I walk down the aisle with Kenni who is pouting the entire time. Brian Bloye is officiating the ceremony and he tries to give her a high five to lighten the situation…she gives him the shaft on that one. I plop her next to the maid of honor and scurry out of the way. Luckily, she stayed up there throughout the ceremony, but I was told that she did pick out a wedgie in front of everyone.
I didn’t see that, because Caia had some sort of screaming meltdown brought on by….I have no flipping idea.
She’s screaming harder than I’ve ever heard her scream, and I run around what I think is the back of the building with her. Well, it’s not the back of the building…it’s like a little side-porch with an alley. I’m trapped with Screaming Banshee, and poor Jack just hanging miserably on my hip. I can’t run out the side porch area, because that will take me straight out to the ceremony. And Caia is not giving up on this insane fit she’s having.
The next thing I know, Stephen comes darting around the side of the house and tells me to go inside the house.
Well, this is a private residence. But at this point, I don’t care. I run inside just as this nice lady comes to the door to let me in. Caia is still screaming, and now Jack (who has been very patient throughout this whole process) is about to come undone too. Someone comes to pick him up while Nice Lady of the House shows Caia some toys. This calms her down, and I’m thinking that I could seriously use a stiff drink. Only I don’t drink, so never mind.
The rest of the evening was by no means a picnic, but the actual ceremony seemed to be the hottest part of our family volcanic eruption, so everything else I could deal with.
There was a candy area with glass containers of Blow Pops, Tootsie Rolls, and Gummi Worms that the girls loved…
But Jack had had just about all he could take by the time it was time for the cake cutting, so I decided that it was time to take the two little ones home. He fell asleep within seconds of pulling out of that parking lot.
Caia, her hand tightly gripping her Blow Pop, was a sticky, sugary, exhausted mess.
Now, I sit alone on the couch waiting for Flower Girl and Videographer to come home.
All I have to say is, they had BETTER be bringing me a piece of that cake…














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