More Lucy Than June

…mean NOTHING to someone who wears diapers, is potty training, or uses the word “Mommy” no less than 52 times a day.

I had a SUPER plan for my day…a plan to get everything finished and ready for company. AND have a super-fun playdate at the park.

Again, I ask you, are you LAUGHING yet???

I’m big on to-do lists…it just helps me to SEE what needs to be done. And I feel pretty special when I get to check something off the list…even if it’s just “go to the bathroom”. (That’s not really on my list, but sometimes, I think it should be.)

Here’s how this morning’s plan went ON PAPER:

Shower and dressed

Kids fed, dressed, teeth brushed (This task? This one right here? THAT is the one that major awards should be given out for to those who accomplish it. It takes LITERALLY all morning and I feel like most days, that’s all I do between the hours of 8 and 10 a.m.)

Dishes unloaded, dirty loaded

Laundry started

Two loads folded and put away

Pack bags for park

Kenni-complete one school journal page

And now for THE REALITY…

6:00 a.m. One cranky 5 year old appears in my doorway. “I can’t sleep. I want to snuggle”. I’m too tired to deal with it, and it’s too close to my alarm going off anyway that I let her crawl on in.

7:00 a.m. Alarm. Realize we’re out of milk and my only chance to get some without lugging three kids into the supermarket for ONE item (an epic event all on its own), is to go now while Stephen’s here.

Throw on a pair of jeans. Jack starts crying. Panic.

“HOW AM I GOING TO GET MILK? WE’RE ALL OUT OF MILK! IF THEY DON’T HAVE MILK TO DRINK THEIR BONES WILL FALL APART AND THEIR BRAINS WILL DISINTEGRATE TO-DAY!!”

Stephen says, “I’ll go get milk.” (Was I secretly hoping he’d say that? Shhh. I’ll never tell.)

Bring Jack downstairs. His diaper has leaked. And the contents are all in liquid form. And they should not all BE in liquid form. You get my drift, here? UGH. After he has been changed and wrangled into a new outfit, I plop him down in his chair for breakfast.

Realize that since I didn’t make my grocery store run yesterday, we have NOTHING to eat. Literally. No toast. No cereal. No bananas. No yogurt.

I do have eggs.

Scramble eggs. He eats them.

Somewhere in all this busyness, Caia comes downstairs. “Hi MAMA! I’m awake!”

So I see, sweet thang.

All seems to be going well. I have clothes picked out, and hey, Jack’s already dressed.

Ah yes. This is going well. Yay me.

Then I hear horrible sounds coming from Jack. Sounds from his diaper that are once again…liquid. He seems totally unphased by the extreme nastiness that now envelopes him. Ugh. I smell him from across the house.

I have to grab a blanket to lay him down on, and then I stared at him for literally 30 seconds as he lay there grinning at me. I had no idea whether to go from the top or the bottom.

He ended up with an un-planned bath.

That was not on my schedule.

After that was cleared up (and it is SOOO involved to give any child a bath…let alone one who has just pooped an entire week’s worth of food all over himself. I swear.), I hear a distressed call from the kitchen.

I have to go potty!!! I have to go potty!!!

Caia has been potty training for awhile now, but she has officially “crossed the finish line” in my book. (Her daddy is still not sure enough of her progress to take her out anywhere without a diaper on, though…)

So, as the urgency is being loudly declared to everyone in the neighborhood, I rush her to the bathroom.

She’s having poop issues today too. Only hers are the opposite if Jack’s. (Both of my girls do this occasionally. They clearly need more fiber.)

We spent 15 minutes in the bathroom. Waiting.

Bless her little heart.

Finally—success!!!

The entire time we’re sitting there, Jack wanders in and out, eats some toilet paper, opens some cabinets, whines a little that it’s nap time, and leaves. Repeat, repeat, repeat for the next 12.5 minutes.

Also while we’re sitting there, I’m thinking back to my to-do list on the counter. Yep. None of that was getting done before playdate today.

A reminder, once again, to be prepared and to make room for life’s little interruptions.

Today…it was a whole lotta poop.

Last River Church core team meeting tonight. (We hold our first service on Sunday!!! Soooo, like if you live in Charleston and stuff, click here for details…)

Because it was our last “core” meeting, we had EVERYONE (oh yes. that does mean kiddos…) in one room together.

Now, I KNOW my kids. And I KNOW how they act when they get a little overtired. And I KNEW this was going to be…challenging. To say the least.

I kinda starting sweating just thinking about it.

During the first worship song that Stephen led, they all sat peacefully. Kenni was in a chair next to me, Caia wanted to sit in my lap, and Jack rotated back and forth between my friend Stacey and I.

Caia, whose name means “to rejoice”, tried her best to sweetly sing along. Talk about makin’ her mama’s heart melt!!!

Yes, baby girl, you CAN have a pony tomorrow.

As the evening wore on, the stage beckoned them.

Oh…the stage.

These girls LOVE a stage. They love to dance and sing. Kenni has stipulations to her entertaining. She will only perform if she thinks no one will say anything to her, but Caia would dance and sing as loud as she could whether there were audience or not.

And um, unfortunately, there was an audience.

Who were all trying to worship.

But she kept running across the stage and then finally, she just starts belting out…SOMETHING…while she’s dancing.

Then, the next thing I know, they’re FLYING LIKE AIRPLANES around on the stage.

And the thing is: there’s really nothing I could do. If I go onto the stage to get them off, it will just result in massive amounts of screaming. Plus, I’m trying to deal with Jack who’s toddling around inspecting the Chick Fil A cups that people have brought underneath their chairs.

I have but one choice…to watch and pray that people will still want to be friends with The Girl Who Obviously Has No Parenting Skills once this whole thing is over.

My children are not terribly ill-behaved children. But they are, well…CHILDREN. Children who love life.

Sometimes they love it a little too loudly, but that’s beside the point.

In the back of my mind, I thought…would Jesus be offended that they wanted to zoom around like airplanes while Stephen led the rest of the crowd in worship? Something told me…probably not.

When it was over, Stephen tried to talk to McKenna about the situation and explain that there are times that we need to be quiet.

Her response?

You were singing a song about Jesus, so I was flying. And I did it for you.

Well, well. How do you discipline that?

Now, once the meeting had ended and she was getting just a little too out of control, I did have to go all Jack Bauer on her.

I’m running this operation, and I’m ENDING IT!!!

When she begged for a juice box on the way home, I wanted to tell her that I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

She’s really into learning new words.

Which keeps me on my toes.

Last night it was the word “filly”. Filly means female baby horse.

Then she learned “female”. Then she had to list every female she knew.

Oh! Im a female. And you’re a female. And Caia’s a female. And Molly and Neely are females. And Kelsey’s a female. And…”

If I read a story, and say a word she doesn’t understand, she HAS to know what it means. She HAS to have a definition.

THEN she repeats the sentence again using the ‘new” word I’ve given her in place of the one she needed the replacement for.

ME:   ‘So I was able to make my choice without hesitation.

MCKENNA:  Mom?!?! MOM!!! What does HESITATION mean?

ME:  Umm…like “waiting”.

MCKENNA:  ’So I was able to make my choice without WAITING.’ Hey MOM?! MOM?!?!? Sometimes…I hesitate.

ME:  Yes, dear. Yes you do.

A few moments later…

ME: ‘He must drink his milk with gusto.’

MCKENNA: Mom. MOOOOMMMM?!!? What’s GUSTO?

ME: Like, ummm, really happy and fast and excited.

MCKENNA: Oh. I do lots of things with gusto.

Sweet mother, yes you do.

On and on and on….throughout two stories this process went. It takes, literally, 30 minutes to get through ONE children’s book.

And along with this new phase, she’s also decided that she cannot, no matter what time she has graced us with her presence that morning, simply CANNOT turn off her brain before…you ready? MID-flippin’-NIGHT.

Am I frustrated, right now? You bet yer boots, I am.

Because as I am typing this, she’s already woken up her sister, been to visit me no less than 48 times, done 3 school worksheets, read 14 books, and had 32 cups of milk. These are only SLIGHT exaggerations.

Well, Annette. Aren’t you happy to have such an inquisitive and seemingly bright little one on your hands? She must be such a joy.

Um, yes. Yes, she IS a joy. And yes, I am thrilled that she loves learning…but let me be quite frank. I AM TIRED.

At the end of every day, I would love nothing more than to sink onto the couch with a cup of hot tea, watch some mindless TV or read a book (I have about 691 on my To-Read list), and quite honestly…be ALONE. WITHOUT THE CHILDREN. And really…if it even happened EVERY SO OFTEN, I’d be happy. Instead, I’m rustling books, sippy cups, and squirmy children off of my couch every single night till it’s time for me to hit the hay myself.

I simply would like to turn off the Mommy Button. And just be…Annette…for just an hour or two a day.

I need a little UN-Mommy time these days.

Anyone out there “get” me? Oh, please say you do.

I went to bed last night thinking, I got this.

This morning, a handful of ladies started a new Bible study (Esther by Beth Moore! Yeah. I’m pretty pumped.)

I was in charge of bringing breakfast.

And myself and three children. Preferably dressed and in somewhat good moods.

2 out of 3…IS bad.

I had everything prepped and prepared down to the most minute detail. See, the bible study started at 9:00 a.m.

And we, the kids and I, are NOT morning people.

So last night, I prepped the casserole and coffee cake and put them in the fridge. All I would need to do in the morning was put them in the oven.

I had clothes laid out for everyone, diaper bag packed and near the door, extra clothes for everyone, portable breakfasts ready to go. I had even poured the milk into their sippy cups…they sat waiting in the fridge.

I went to bed a little smug. Mmhmm. That’s right. Call me Super Mom.

Are you laughing yet?

The morning went off without a hitch…until I had to wake up the kids.

McKenna got dressed promptly…which is HUGE. That girl HATES getting dressed in the mornings. And getting her to put shoes and socks on requires all but brute force.

I got Caia dressed…in “Big Girl Underwear”, I might add.

And I immediately learned that even if she says she DOESN’T have to go potty first thing in the morning…yeah, well…she really does.

By the time I’m sitting Jack down to eat, she’s standing in her chair yelling, “I poopied!!” (She didn’t really poop. She pee-peed. She just calls everything poop.)

Then, she insisted on sitting on the potty for the next 20 minutes (even though I KNEW there was NO WAY she had anything left to put in that toilet).

It was a fight to get her out of the bathroom and dressed again. Then there were arguments over what toys they were going to bring. Then I sat the keys down on the counter and couldn’t find them. Then it started to rain.

And before I knew it, we were 15 minutes LATE.

And I was bringing the food.

Once there, my usually docile Jack, was whiny and clingy and quite frankly, an all-out mess. I kept thinking he was probably just tired and ready for nap, but usually he’s easily distracted from sleepiness as long as toys and people are involved. Not so much today.

And I soon found out why.

About 5 minutes before the end of the video session, the beautiful ladies keeping our (MANY) kids, came to get me. I thought maybe Caia had had an accident. (Nope! She stayed dry the whole time, and even went to the potty once while we were there!)

It was Jack. He threw up.

Welllllllllll….perfect.

Not only was he sick, but we were potentially exposing other kids to whatever germs we might be carrying.

Here’s how the rest of the day went:

Naptime.

Jack wakes up. Jack vomits. Again.

Jack has extreme diarrhea.

Jack cries, whines, begs to be held, begs to be put down, begs for a drink, throws the drink.

Caia and Kenni fight. Caia and Kenni fight some more.

Dinner.

Baths.

Girls splash out a ridiculous amount of water and scream like banshees.

Rock Jack…he’s so pitiful by this point.

Force girls out of the tub and exert disciplinary action by separating the two of them.

Discover…Oh wait. I don’t feel so good myself.

Wrestle girls into jammies.

Caia=jumping on the bed and falls off and lands straight on her head.

Screaming.

Girls fighting.

I collapse on the bed…counting minutes till Stephen arrives.

Stephen arrives with Taco Bell for me. (Um, yes. I like Taco Bell. And I LOVE my husband.)

Jack wakes up twice more…vomiting.

I am now lying in my bed, ready for sleep…but not until the FIVE crib sheets in the washer make their way to the dryer.

Because if he vomits on his sister’s Mickey Mouse sheets that he’s now sleeping on, I got nothing.

Sooooo….all that to say…..stick a fork in me. I’m done.

In fact, I think I may be overcooked.

Here they are…pics from the birthday bash.

The big one year old cake smashing. The Yo Gabba Gabba decorations that my wonderful friend Terri and I spent hours printing, cutting and putting together…

In all of my horrible picture-taking splendor (I have GOT to figure out that camera!!!), I present to you…

The Party

The Yo Gabba Gabba cupcakes

Thank you again, Betty Crocker…for all you do for me and the little people in my house.

It is a tradition that Stephen decorates the kids first birthday smash cakes. He’s come a long way since McKenna’s.

Kenni decorated her own cupcake with her favorite characters and, of course, five candles.

Homemade streamers…Oh yeah. These were a hit.

Jack confused by the fire in front of him and me…looking like a goober.

He wasted no time digging in. The following pictures show the wreckage…

Princess McKenna is very excited about Hungry Hungry Hippos.

What I wish I had pics of would be McKenna in the purple high heels and bling-bling jewelry she got with that tiara. Oh…and the purple purse. She put the whole ensemble together, proclaimed she was playing house and that she was The Mom.

No, people. I don’t usually wear purple high heels around the house. I’m not sure where she got her image of “The Mom”.

Jack tears into a present from the grandparents.

Well, it was actually a gift card that he got from his grandparents. I took the liberty of choosing the ride-on fire engine for him. And, um, his sisters LOVE it.

Terri is forced to release the presents from their wire trappings.

Please note: CAIA seems to be the one that is clinging to that toy.

Uh huh. Let’s just say I’m glad that Target had a few extras on clearance that night.

Jack hanging out with his girlfriend Landry.

This was great. He toddled up to her and she gave him the biggest grin. Then they both just drooled at each other. Literally.

And I leave you with just a glimpse of the paper, toys, and childen that comprised my home on Sunday.