This was a tweet of mine from yesterday…
You know those days when you have to run out of bible study carrying a screaming child and you’re in tears? Oh wait…that’s not normal?
Yesterday proved to be a very challenging day with my dear, sweet McKenna.
And, if I’m being honest (a la Simon Cowell), I hit the wall with her.
And I was defeated and in tears ALL. DAY. LONG.
I had plans to go see Dear John with some sweet ladies, but all I could think of was, “Really. I’ve done enough crying for today. Nicholas Spark could send me over the edge tonight.”
Truth was…I was OVER the edge that MORNING. (And yes. I ended up going to see the movie…a nice break from the harshness of the reality that I had been dealing with all day…)
There’s no need for details of the situation that drove me to crying myself into a headache and leaking off all of my carefully applied mascara.
But I will say that I was left defeated, embarrassed, and afraid.
I had exhausted every last option, and now I was trapped in a self-built house of fear and desperation.
I think many of us could say that we’ve all had those “McKenna Moments” in our life, right? The moments where we are left humbled and with nothing left in our bag of tricks to try with our situation than to say… God? This one is ALL YOURS. I got nothing left .
And, in the beauty of His perfect grace and love, I believe that’s where He would have desired our hearts be BEFORE we reached the breaking point, BEFORE we hit the wall with whatever it is that has brought on our “McKenna Moment”.
Sometimes I wonder with awe, “Wow. Why did you allow ME to parent her? I just know that she’s going to do great things someday.”
And then there are days, like yesterday, where I think, “Oh, Lord! WHY ME?”
My friend Laurie said that the words that she wanted to share with me after my emotional day yesterday were the words…McKenna the Masterpiece.
Well, she shared them with me and I started bawling. Again.
But she’s right.
And I think, at the core of the situation of what is going on in my heart with and for McKenna right now, we could extrapolate out into many other situations in life.
I have been given a mound of clay. A clay that has the potential to be a beautiful work of art and bring glory to God. Or, if I leave it…wrought with anger and exasperation and viewing it as a “burden” to bear, then the beauty that lies within will never be released, will never be unlocked to be shared with the rest of the world.
What have I learned?
That the knowledge that I thought God was giving me to learn about McKenna, was really a life lesson.
I can take that situation, that “circumstance”, that mound of clay…and let it sit alone and simply just “be”. Or I can rely and seek God in His wisdom and patience to guide me to shape it to bring Him glory.
The Mound or…
The Masterpiece.
I'm in tears….